![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
INFO. ( wip )
Jul. 22nd, 2014 07:15 am
BACKGROUND:
- There is nothing particularly mystical about Barry Zelnick or the world around him, although unusual would be a fair enough word to describe both; while not supernatural, exactly, the Zelnicks have always been a family strangely affected by coincidence and luck of both good and bad varieties going back through the generations.
Growing up hearing about the comedy of errors that drew his grandparents together back in Poland and an unnerving catalogue of "near death experience" anecdotes from his own mother, Barry from a young age developed the tendency to hope for the best from life and simultaneously fear the worst. Curious by nature and hoping to gain understanding of these abstract feelings, he began to study history and mythology and take notes on patterns and theories he derived from his readings, but through doing so only proceeded to strengthen his still-forming superstitions. Having a poor understanding of what was universally possible and what wasn't, for a brief time during his elementary school years Barry became convinced aliens (or some other kind of spiritual beings) were attempting to communicate with him through his dreams, leading him to sleepwalk periodically when he wasn't struggling to keep himself awake. At the age of twelve his sleepwalking found him somewhere out in the woods behind their house and his mother and sister outside as well searching for him, meaning all three of them survived the gas leak from his father's inept (but successful) suicide attempt.
Chalk it up for another near death experience for his mother, and most definitely an unpleasant coincidence, but Barry wasn't so sure. Although the anxious switch in his brain has been turned on years earlier, this incident suggested to him that maybe his dreams and fantasies really were to be feared, and that whatever aliens wanted him could perhaps not be trusted. He and his sister Judith were put into therapy together following this incident, drawing them closer than ever and beginning what would eventually turn out to be a lifelong addiction to therapy for Barry.
Despite this, however, Barry and Judith along with their mother continued to live a reasonably happy and stable life with ups and downs no worse than average, although Barry's anxieties continued getting worse as he grew older, becoming more obsessive and consuming. He continued to journal his day-to-day activities which mingled in his narrative seamlessly with the jumbled chaos of what he perceived was guiding him and became so absorbed with an ever-expanding list of rituals meant to calm himself down or protect himself and his loved ones that he was briefly hospitalized for more intensive psychiatric treatment and suicide-watch, causing him to graduate from high school two years late. He then attended college in a medicated haze only exacerbated by illegal substance abuse, leading to a number of extreme manic and depressive phases that he somehow graduated in spite of, although these years remain mostly blank to him and are among the only ones since he was eight years old to go un-journaled.
Barry didn't sober up immediately after college, but after another brief period of hospitalization and an even briefer period of homelessness he moved in temporarily with Judith for the last six months before he could almost fully call himself clean (the "almost" accounting for a dependence on his medication that persists to this day, though he has also developed a habit of excessive indulgence in sugary foods and onions, the latter of which he believes are good luck), and then decided to pursue a career in life/disability insurance as a testament to his dedicated efforts and his still reoccurring fatalistic fantasies. In of itself it assisted him mentally as an abstract "protection" ritual, which allowed him to socialize with both his clients and coworkers on a more functional level than he'd been capable of years (Judith and his mother exempted). The job also allowed him a flexible schedule with which he could plan therapy sessions and other social obligations around -- such as Judith's wedding -- and was mundane in a way he could appreciate and even derive pleasure from, because the very simple things in his life balanced out the fear and paranoia he suffered from his often irrational hypotheticals. Enough that he was able to make friends and acquaintances -- albeit cautious ones that felt a degree of distance still important -- for the first time since he lost contact with everyone he'd known in high school and college.
Through the structure of both a steady job and weekly -- sometimes bi-weekly -- therapy he felt more or at less at peace and stabilized despite his still-persistent fear (among others) that he will one day find himself abducted by ambiguously-intentioned aliens, and though this means he can never quite shake his hesitant and agitated nature he is typically able to put these fears aside enough to function even if his coping methodology only continues to become more and more complicated (the lack of sleep and overabundance of pills and sugar does him no favors).
PERSONALITY:
- For a man so firmly entrenched in his peculiar beliefs, ideologies, and rituals, Barry seems tolerant at his best and harried at his worst. He's a nervous, mild-mannered sort of man who seems, overall, harmless if not a bit off-putting in his restless, fidgety way, but when it comes to a normal judgement-free life he is constantly in his own way the moment he opens his mouth -- hell, the morning he wakes up in the morning. While it may not be incorrect to describe him as neurotic, rather than be fanatical about these fantasies of his, Barry is more often than not quite upset and frightened of them. He does not consider himself a savior or a messiah, and if he feels "chosen" for anything he's relieved only because no one else deserves to suffer this weight upon their shoulders.
Rather than keep them within his own head, Barry compulsively keeps records of his thoughts and activities in a journal through both words and frantic drawings, convinced he can forge a connection to a more stable reality through self-portraiture, which is among the only things that can calm his nerves without fail. He applies a similar perspective to speech, which means he has very little personal filter when it comes to speaking his thoughts aloud and will announce them factually or discuss personal details about himself quite freely, feeling more relief than shame. His years of therapy have made him self-aware enough to realize what is and is not rational (most of the time) and what practices of his originate as coping mechanisms, but abiding by this simple concept has overall served him better than anything else: better brought out of his head than left inside. He can seem very oblivious or overzealous because of this, but even when he's aware of the social consequences of speaking his mind he will do so nine times out of ten, as long as said consequences pertain only to himself; that is to say, he won't just arbitrarily blurt out things told to him in confidence, but about the unpleasant medical details surrounding a skin rash he'll be an open book.
Because of his obsessive, ritualistic worries, Barry has a fairly weak-willed and unassertive personality; he is a follower, seeking structure and guidance as escapes. Over the years he has developed and fought or succumbed to various addictions and substance abuse problems as a result. He considers himself sober now -- medication and pain killers aside, because he is convinced he needs those -- and refuses to partake in smoking or drinking or any of his former vices (though does occasionally succumb to weed if it's available due to the calming effect is has), having found healthier, more productive outlets such as his constant journaling. Writing or sketching is something he can frequently get entirely lost in doing and spent hours at it, realizing time has passed only when his hand starts to cramp; though an "organized" person, Barry has his own order to things which will often make sense only to him, meaning his trains of thought or even simply the state of his house seem haphazard and disorderly even if its all in perfect formation as far as he's concerned… though, easily distracted, he also is prone to leaving things unfinished and frequently misplaces things even within his own system. Stay far, far away from his bookcases: You'll never find anything.
Though he can easily pass the time by himself and while away the hours transcribing his paranoia, he is a social person and seeks out others, unaware at least immediately consciously that his candid nature and restless energy can be unpleasant to be around. If allowed to keep talking he can go on and on for quite a while, fretting both internally and out loud about a variety of things that rarely have anything to do with if the other person is interested in what he's saying. This is freeing in its own way in that he rarely fears judgement (among the many other things he fears), but alienating as well; rarely can he maintain close relationships outside of his immediate family -- most notably his sister, with whom he is the closest -- and a few friends who are used to his eccentricities enough to tolerate them during the few times per month they see each other. Despite this, he doesn't feel despondent over this loneliness very often, simply desperate; when he is not around others he doesn't miss them until the moment they are in his head again, which is when he begins his social rounds over again. He is a kind, overly generous sort of person even when caught up in the loop of his own thoughts, often giving gifts or simply listening to his company fondly, but he certainly can come on quite strongly for anyone who does not care for the obsessive attention of an over-eager puppy. The exception to this is during his rarer, more depressive phases, when socialization and people stress his nerves to the point of nausea and exhaustion and he will be more prone to seclusion because of how much being around people will exacerbate his fears.
Barry has a love for life that seems counter to the constant thundercloud of stress that hovers above his head, but he is truly an optimist at heart. While he can go through depressive phases -- sometimes for months at a time -- he always bounces back with vigor, because if he's survived his fears this long he has little else to worry about. He does not feel aimless or suicidal, but merely worried about the eventuality of any of his fantasies coming true… but he means to enjoy the time he has left before they do regardless. Anger, too, doesn't last with him -- though his temper can be short at times and he is prone to stewing over minor things for as long as weeks sometimes, he never holds onto grudges nor picks fights, preferring passivity to confrontation. His therapy addiction allows him some perspective into particularly aggressive conflict and he tries to handle it thusly, usually content with accepting that someone else knows better than him and also, frankly, quite cowardly in general.
